I told myself this short, genuine message when I woke up this morning. Like, this is it. The moment I’ve been waiting for since I was 16, maybe. I’m finally twenty five; officially an adult – YAY!
Ok, lies. I was not that excited.
But I was not joking though – I did want to be 25 or even older, as in I couldn’t wait to live like an adult. I guess I was too naive back then, thinking that by the age of 25, I must have figured out my life, as a whole package: career, education, passion, savings… love life (HAHA I even thought I’d get married in 02-02-2020…😂).
The thing is, I’ve always imagined that being older was somehow, better. I was 12 or 13, I felt that being 17 would be the coolest thing ever. Living the Cinta fantasy, you know, just like Ada Apa dengan Cinta the movie. From having fun with your BFFs (aka your girl gang), to chasing your ultimate crush (with the face of Nicholas Saputra) to the airport.
(langsung merasa terpanggil akutuhhh)
HAHA but no, this ain’t a movie. So I had like, the most standard high school life: school – lunch packed by mom – tutor/study – home.
Alright, before I go off topic — speaking of birthday, I kinda have a love-hate feeling towards it. Let me break this down super quickly:
My mom used to tell me that I was so grumpy as a baby. Like, I was not the type of baby who’s cheerful and friendly with strangers. So, maybe, that’s why I didn’t really enjoy birthday parties back in the days. (Though I’m sure I must’ve liked getting presents… lol).
Judging from the photos below – my face was either ‘are we done yet’ or ‘why am i here’ HAHAHA.
p.s: people often say that I don’t smile much in photos… turns out this is also the case with baby Sheren lol. ~Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline~
This period (7-12 y.o) is probably the ‘happiest’ version of me so far. I would only care about homework, not missing Spongebob Squarepants at 6:30am, playing petak jongkok (it’s an Indonesian traditional game involving squats LOL), cycling around the neighborhood to buy my favorite ice cream, watching Meteor Garden, and beating my brother in Tekken 5.
Obviously, I enjoyed birthdays because people around me would be three times nicer and brought me prezzies. They congratulated me directly at school and some even wrote wishes on a letter or handmade cards.
Still not smiling much but I have improved a bit, right?
Honestly guys, everytime I look back and see some photos when I was a teenager… I can’t help but wonder, who is this? ME? did I get possessed? (cringe) (awkward) (triggered)
It was when I found out about Friendster and became so obsessed about it. Being the coolest one at that time is when you have your own playlist automatically ON, whenever someone visited your page. Later on, Facebook came into our life along with Twitter and BBM and suddenly, these platforms were our online diary.
I also remember I loved birthdays – sometimes I even waited for the time to hit 00:00, as if I could feel the age transition (yep it’s weird, I know). Proof as below:
Friends would pull a prank on the day, sometimes ended with them smearing birthday cake on the face or pouring any liquid on me (coke, syrup, or plain water). And there was a period when I’d go to different sweet 17 parties every weekend.
But, I also noticed how social media has changed the way we wish someone a happy birthday. Some wishes were often posted on timeline or fb walls, some were even abbreviated (ie. HBD, WYATB, GBU).
(Almost) Adult Sheren — present day
Yeah, I know – some people say “adulthood” is when you’re 18, some even say it wont start till the big 3.0. Well, I’m turning 25 today and I consider myself as almost an adult. Too young to have everything figured out, too old to act live recklessly.
And somehow, I started to feel that birthdays are becoming less and less exciting.
- I no longer wait for the age transition at 00:00 and see who’s the first person to message me.
- I don’t expect midnight surprises or mysterious gifts anymore; with my family & closest friends, we will just tell each other what we want for birthday (if any!), and where to have dinner together.
- Sometimes I think I’m just losing the special feeling of waking up excited, planning birthday celebrations, and replying chitty chatty messages.
Truth is, it’s not that I don’t feel thankful, happy, or whatever — I feel like ‘birthday’ is just a reminder that I’m getting older, while there’s a lot of things that I should or plan to do. Quoting Adele, we were sad of getting old, it made us restless. 🎶
Back to my statement where I said my younger self couldn’t wait to be 25… LOL she has no idea that life could be funny sometimes and 2020 is just not the year. But I’d still want to thank her — for living her childhood to the fullest, for taking the courage to dream, for making good & bad decisions, for always writing her thoughts & feelings. And for not giving up.
Despite the global crisis & uncertainties going on right now, I’ve made up my mind to once again count my blessings and feel thankful that I’m still alive, breathing.
So here’s to my 25th time making memories & celebrating life with my loved ones 🥰🥳
After all, today is the oldest I’ve ever been and the youngest I’ll ever be again.
Bonus: pictures of me baking my own birthday cake!! LOL finally after 25 years, i bake something legit yoooo #firsttimer