mid-year reflections

Alright, I know you’re probably thinking — uh, mid-year was like, 2 months ago? You’re right, I’m also aware of that. But hey, better late than never!

So yesterday, I opened my planner and found a page where I could write my reflections… which, I skipped it (un)intentionally, so I thought, ok let me reflect now and write some. And, as a reward to myself for surviving 7 MONTHS in 2020 (what a crazy ride so far, huh) — I decided to write a post about it! 😊

Anyway, here’s a screenshot of what I wrote spontaneously on my agenda:

mid yearreflections
impromptu writing // Aug 4th, 2020

THINGS AND PEOPLE I’M GRATEFUL FOR

Things: smashed chicken (ayam penyet tahu tempe) at RIA restaurant and any other Indo food in Hong Kong / JCO doughnuts (the ONLY doughnuts here!) / short trip to Bangkok in late Feb before covid was a thing / my laptop that came back alive after its pricey surgery / boba / koyo salonpas hahahaha

People: my family & relatives / my friends in Indo who took the effort to keep in touch with me (tengkyu gaes) / piggies (Austin, Aman and Dazi) for being my 911 / Stefani & Sunson (my ‘parents’ in HK lolll thanks for letting me thirdwheel all the time & play mariokart) / public transport drivers / restaurant & supermarket staff / healthcare workers / foodpanda delivery guy


THINGS I’VE ACHIEVED AND AM PROUD OF THIS YEAR 
  • I decided to give HK another chance while it seemed impossible. I was so close to leave this country for good but I couldn’t—it’s a constant dilemma. In February, I re-settled and since then, I’ve been living the HK life again.
  • I’ve survived 7 months so far, without having a major mental breakdown lol. This year feels like forever, but at the same time it’s already August…
  • It took me years to do this – I finally set my mind to grow a Youtube channel. Yeah I know, it’s not an easy one, starting and growing something from 0 when you’re a ‘nobody‘. But then I’ll never be 100% ready anyway, so I did it.
    And I could say that I’m proud of the (super) small progress so far. 🥺💖

SOMETHING I’VE LEARNT AND WANT TO REMEMBER

There are always small things to be grateful for.
Random beach walk at 10pm with friends, the feeling of reading a book on a slow tram, pink skies on a random evening. being greeted by doggos on the street.

This year, I’m learning to take things a little bit slower than I usually did. But in reality, I can’t control my ‘competitive 🍑’ – I always feel like I have to do and achieve something (just like everyone else). Looking at them successful people, of course I would think, if they can do it, then so can I.

But then I read a quote saying, “everyone grows at different rates”, and it hit me hard. So…. yeah, I’ll always want to remember this, while celebrating small achievements and accepting that I am, indeed, a work in progress.


SOMETHING I NEED TO WORK ON

Taking a better care of my mind and body. (which is so damn hard)

This has been my constant struggle actually, because no matter how determined I am, I just cannot stay committed to sleep earlier (before midnight), eat healthier (no ramyeon & junk food), and drink more water (and less boba). Jeez, I haven’t even been working out since last year (i’m not joking. adios gym membership).

Lately, I’ve been losing sleep despite having zero problem to be super stressed out about. It’s actually one of the worst feelings, to be wide awake even when you really want to sleep. Maybe deep down I do feel anxious and uneasy (God knows), that’s why I keep thinking about so many what-ifs and if-onlys.


THINGS I’M GOING TO DO TO MAKE THE REST OF THE YEAR WORTHWHILE 

Hmm. This got me thinking for a while… I feel like I have so many things to list but I can’t exactly mention them (?).

I wish to live more, like, actually enjoy the moments. I wish to spend less time to overthink and get anxious. I want to will read and write more. I will take the first step to reconnect with people in my life. I will also celebrate small achievements. ✨

Honestly, my number one goal is actually to not feel like this 2020 is *totally* cancelled — it’s hard, because everyday I’m counting down to Christmas. HA HA.


SOME THINGS I WANT TO EXPLORE THIS YEAR

Out of all the things I wanted to do this year — I wanted to travel the most. No, actually, just to go back home for a while is already enough. (I miss Shopee-ing and eating legit indo food; ropang & kangkung, I’ve missed you!😢)

I think I’ve been handling homesick pretty well (it’s my 7th year in HK), but this time, it’s like a mind game: the thought of not being able to go back home / travel anywhere else, is upsetting because I feel like I’m trapped here.

But anyway, it seems like exploring the world is impossible… and exploring a new relationship is a definitely a no 😂 (i gave up already, maybe next year lol).

So maybe I’ll explore my newest hobby, which is baking? I’m not even sure; it excites and frustrates me at the same time (omg this sounds like a toxic relationship HAHAHA).
Or maybeee, I will explore the idea & possibility of moving to another country – either for career / study.

Ok yeah maybe that’s it. I couldn’t think of any other thing to explore. 😂


Alright peeps, it’s done (hopefully not too long lol)! Just a note: everything here is based on my opinion & experience only.
Also, I don’t really intend to spread negativity / spread toxic positivity / motivate / inspire you readers. Writing has mostly been for my personal archives and for sharing purpose only!😀 But if you could relate to this or if this made you reflect more, then it’s all good!! 💫✨

Cheers to level 8 of 2020 guys – around 140 days till Christmas!!

sherendev